Opening our Eyes to Invisible Disabilities
The Banquet Network was given the opportunity to participate in the Inclusion Fusion Live (IFL) conference at the end of April this year. Key Ministry, an organization that connects churches and families affected by disability, put on the IFL conference from April 29th to 30th in collaboration with the Tim Tebow Foundation. The conference was held in Ohio at Bay Presbyterian Church in Bay Village, just west of Cleveland.
Katie Matthews, Executive Director of The Banquet Network, was selected to give a QuickTake in front of conference attendees on Friday, April 29th. Matthews led a discussion on, “Opening our Eyes to Invisible Disabilities.”
At the beginning of her presentation Matthews reviews a few defining moments in our lives, such as, a wedding day, the birth of a child, or the day you hear about a diagnosis. Matthews explains that “defining moments in our lives often give us a clear before and after.” She reflects on the day she met her son for the first time as his second-grade special education teacher. When Matthews looks back, she sees a clear before and after—a major defining moment in her life. Before Matthews continues, she takes a deep breath and exhales as she shares another serious defining moment in her life—the day her eight-year-old attempted suicide.
Matthews’ son has several invisible disabilities. Some of these disabilities provoke him to reveal self-injurious behaviors. Astonishingly, Matthews’ family also displays many invisible disabilities. Matthews openly unfolds her own struggle to balance type 1 diabetes, Lyme's disease, postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS), fibromyalgia, anxiety, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). In fact, all four of Matthews’ family members have been diagnosed with PTSD. Matthews, jokingly, adds that her family makes up one-third of the DSM-5.
In addition, Matthews’ son has been diagnosed with a few other invisible disabilities, such as, reactive attachment disorder (RAD), various learning disabilities, fetal alcohol syndrome, conduct disorder, and was born addicted to heroin and cocaine. Each of these diagnoses have a significant impact on the way her son functions. Given that her family is deeply affected by disability, Matthews notes that God has given her a clear calling to pursue other families whose lives are also affected by disability.
When Matthews first met her son in the school system, God told her that she was going to be this child’s mother. Her son had been moved between seven different homes between ages five to seven. Oftentimes, her son displayed self-injurious behaviors in classroom settings and needed to be restrained. The school attempted multiple different tactics, striving to meet the child's needs.
Matthews shared, “Nothing seemed to work. Therapy, tough love, behavior charts, reward systems, medications—nothing seemed to work.”
At that point, after a significant amount of time spent in prayer and waiting on the Lord, Matthews and her husband met with the child’s social workers to ask how they could adopt him into their family.
Matthews adds, "There is incredible power that God displays through my son—not in spite of his disabilities, but because of his invisible disabilities."
Looking at John 9:1-3, the text reads, “As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.”
Matthews emphasizes that God works through disabilities...not in spite of disability, but because of it. The Banquet Network believes that the Church is disabled when it doesn’t include people with disabilities, including the disabilities that we cannot see.
Matthews’ son does not look disabled, but due to his invisible disabilities, he is not given the same amount of grace that others affected by disability might be given. When disability comes to mind, most people think of someone in a wheelchair or a child with autism or down syndrome.
Matthews states, “Rarely, do we think about the people that make up me. Rarely do we think about the people that make up my son, the ones that have the invisible disabilities [such as] PTSD or ADHD. What about the person with dementia? Are we considering these people when making decisions in our churches?”
Matthew’s son is not only overlooked at school or in public, but also in church. Her son has learned to speak and behave in particular ways, hoping to be accepted or kept a little longer by foster families.
“The problem is, as with most disabilities, you can’t act a way you’re not wired to act. Sure, through therapy and hard work we can make changes, but a little boy can only pretend to not be fidgety and anxious for so long before it comes out—and that’s when they send you packing to the next house.” Matthews remarks.
Some of the people that attend Matthews’ church have attempted to give their own input on her son. Although Matthews adores her church, and her husband is the pastor of the church, their people still question their parenting.
“He doesn’t look like he has disabilities.”
“Is it really that bad?”
“It’s just a phase and he will grow out of it.”
“With more structure and consequences, he won’t be so bad.”
“Have you tried spanking?”
Matthews recognizes that the individuals who have shared these things were not trying to hurt her or her families’ feelings. She understandably shares that her “son’s behaviors look more like bad parenting, than they look like the manifestation of a disability.”
Matthews considers how a four-year-old who has down syndrome and throws a toy is seen as ‘cute.’ Comparably, when Matthew’s thirteen-year-old African American son throws a toy, due to an unverbalized traumatic flashback, it appears as violent and aggressive behavior, instead of his PTSD.
The US Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, and Bureau of Justice Statistics performed a study reporting that forty percent of jail inmates had one or more disabilities, and most of them were invisible.
A report by the Journal for the scientific study of religion concluded that the children who are most likely to be excluded from the church are those with invisible disabilities.
With this information, Matthews considers how these studies would change if the church did a better job of loving and supporting families affected by disability—families like the Matthews. Matthews challenges the church not to sit in their ignorance.
“The Bible is clear that everyone needs the gospel, and that ‘everyone’ includes people with disabilities.” Matthews adds that we also need to be mindful of people with invisible disabilities because she and her family need the church just as much as any other person in this world. Knowing that families like her own have a nineteen to seventy-three percent chance of not attending church, Matthews shares how the church can reach families affected by disability.
Simple Tools:
Send out a survey asking how to support congregants' needs.
Aim to be slow to judge.
Address disability as a congregation.
“We can best love those who are affected by disabilities by having more than just one model of disability ministry. We need more than a self-contained classroom because it is important to see all people as image bearers, not just those that fall into a certain category of care.” Matthews tells the audience.
Matthews concludes by challenging the audience to consider what they are going to do differently at their own churches with the information she taught.
Are you willing to do the work to change the statistics on people with disabilities? Are you willing to do the work to increase the likelihood of families, like the Matthews, attending church? Are you willing to bring the gospel to individuals and families affected by disability? As the Church, we must be willing to open our eyes not only towards disabilities, but invisible disabilities? God works through disabilities...not in spite of disability, but because of it.
If you need help welcoming and integrating individuals and families affected by disabilities into the life of your church visit The Banquet Network’s website. We would love to assist you.
Allie McCarty is the Communications and Operations Manager for The Banquet Network. For more stories like this one, go to our blog page, or click to connect, learn or donate to the mission of The Banquet Network.